...make grape juice then sit back and let everyone wonder how you did it.
So, sonogram results.
I am not physically pregnant, but rather have cysts on my ovaries. Lots of them.
Meaning, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. A hormone imbalance thereof was causing all my "pregnancy" symptoms. And, this is really morbid, but that "kick" was probably a cyst popping. :(
So, with PCOS, I likely will not be physically pregnant for a while.
(But I still have a secret.)
Meanwhile, I am very overweight. And until I get better, I won't lose or keep it off.
I am part of those blessed few who have a medical issue which caused their weight gain. I suppose that should make me feel better, but it doesn't really. Not when you can't wear a T shirt screaming "I am not a slob! I am not overweight because I don't care about myself, I really DO!" Being only 21 and overweight is pretty stinkin hard....
Yesterday, I did a bit of soul searching about what would make me happiest right now.
I want to stop working The Job and stop being fake and sorry to customers I would rather tell to pound sand. I want to have both long and short hair, both natural and purple. I want to travel with BlueFlame and help people. I want to get away from a computer and phone all day and spend my time with light, open windows, Celtic music, and a skirt and tank top, barefoot and painting. Reading. Wandering. Making jewelry. Spinning. Weaving. Throwing pottery.
I want straight teeth. Even when I was Teh Skinnies, I hated my teeth. So before I even begin to solve weight, I would like to solve that. Yes. Yes I would. Fortunately braces have come a very long way and I just got better insurance.
Oh honey I am so sorry. It sounds like you are coping the best way you know how, and I can only tell you to keep moving forward. Disappointment is hard, especially when it's something about which you have been sooooo excited. You are a strong, beautiful woman of God, and this is one of those times that He wants you to run right into His arms because He will bring good out of this in the end. It's just His way, you know?
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine your disappointment, but I can am here if you need me. =)
Maybe you can go have some of that comfort wine you were talking about earlier.
Awwww, i love you, Sally....
ReplyDeleteAnd girl, i do not ha yo numba. This is a tragic state of affairs.
Especially since this week is passover and i have a liberal amount of that tasty libation on hand. Including a super smoothe vanilla pinot grigio and a chocolate sweet red.
Hit me up! I would love to chat.
We do need to make that happen. These next couple of weeks are slam-packed though. I have to pass Spanish 4, graduate (if I pass spanish), go to NY and come back, and THEN I will be available. Gosh. So far away. Hang in there, though. We can do it.
ReplyDeleteAlso... What is the secret you still have? I am curious. =)
ReplyDelete